The Gowanus Canal Gets Superfund Status!

The Gowanus Canal has finally induced nausea at an international level. The EPA has declared the Gowanus Canal to be on par with the nation's most toxic waste sites, officially granting it Superfund status. Bloomberg and the canal's colonies of mutant races are bummed out, but the EPA insists that they will provide the best results. We foresee a clear and bright future for the canal, one in which children catch crawdads instead of syphilis.

Putting the O Back in H2O

Maybe you've noticed something different about the Gowanus Canal, namely a huge pipe running between the 3rd Street Bridge and the Carroll Street Bridge. Well, they're not there to pump any gunk out, they're there to pump oxygen in. The New York City Department of Environmental Protection has installed the pipes to maintain oxygen levels while the Flushing Tunnel is closed down for maintenance. At least they're not just letting it all go to shit.

Gowanus A-Go-Go

The Gowanus Canal Conservancy wants to clean shit up and they need your money to do it. Do your part and have fun doing it tonight at the Bell House for the Gowanus-A-Go-Go benefit concert. Feel good about supporting a local cause and without having to wade knee-deep in syphilis water with a pool skimmer. All proceeds will go to the man with the plan, the Gowanus Canal Conservancy, a nonprofit environmental organization that actually intends to do something about this mess.